Some phases in life quietly rearrange us from within, without announcing themselves.

At Agastya, working as a lightbearer and lightkeeper,  I am experiencing a way of being where adulthood does not feel heavy and childhood does not feel distant. Something in me is maturing, becoming deeper, steadier, and more inward, while at the same time another part of me feels light, creative, and childlike. These two states do not oppose each other. They live together.

I experience myself as the “I” gesture of the Dwaraka block of our school, standing consciously between Earth and Heaven, between Kindergarten and Primary. The Kindergarten carries silence, movement, imitation, and pure doing. The Primary brings thinking, reflection, and articulation. Standing between these two worlds, I sense my role not as someone trying to connect, but as someone simply present enough to allow the connection to happen.

This became especially visible during our English lessons. When children were invited to reflect on silence, one child described it as a stone lying still between two people standing in a warfield. Neither attacking nor retreating, the stone simply held the space. That image stayed with me. In it, I could see how the lived silence of Kindergarten, experienced through breath, pause, and gesture, was later reflected by Grade 4 children through thought and language. It felt like watching a seed ripen into form.

My days are filled with moments that quietly lift my heart. Watching a child fly a kite and seeing it rise into the sky makes my own heart soar. The everyday hugs, the gentle concern children show, and the way they look at me with trust remind me why this work matters.

The children also speak through gestures of giving. Along with letters and written paragraphs, they offer drawings and handmade gifts, each one carrying sincerity and intention. A carefully drawn portrait of Sudha Murthy, gifted with pride. A book shared, not just as a book, but as a gesture of companionship. A poem written and offered, holding their inner world. These simple and heartfelt offerings truly make my day. They remind me that when something meaningful is received, it naturally flows back as gratitude.

I feel equally supported by the openness of my colleagues. The positive feedback, the willingness of teachers to engage with the content being presented, and their openness to reflection create an atmosphere of trust. This allows me to work freely and truthfully, without the need to prove or defend.

In this space, I feel myself becoming both more grounded and more spacious. I am learning to stand firmly on the Earth while keeping my gaze lifted toward Heaven. This is not something I strive for. It is something that unfolds through the children, the work of lightbearer and the rhythm of everyday life.

This is how I live the “I” at Agastya. I am maturing inwardly, remaining childlike in heart, standing between worlds, and allowing something quietly true to grow.

Aparna Hariharaputhiran,

Waldorf coordinator.